Dear Shmitten Kitten: Liar, Liar Profile On Fire

Dear Shmitten Kitten,

I recently subjected myself to the dehumanization of creating a profile on Match.com. Unfortunately, I'm starting to believe that I am completely undate-able because at the tender age of 29, I'm divorced. (Being a towering 5'6 doesn't help either). I've had multiple friends tell me I need to lie and deal with the consequences later. I'd rather not, as I prefer honesty above all.

So here's the question. What level of lying on an online profile is acceptable?

Thanks,
Liar, Liar Profile On Fire

LLPOF, I'm gonna give this to you straight: your friends are wrong. The reason people turn to Internet dating--besides finding new people in the city to avoid--is to make a connection with someone. This connection needs to start off on the right foot. Besides, if you and this lady hit it off, a face-to-face meeting is the next step. Any untruths about your appearance will be uncovered instantly. Have you ever tried politely sipping coffee when you're disappointed? It suuuuuucks.

The only kind of things that I think it would be okay not be 100% truthful about might be aesthetic things, like what was the last book you read. Write something that sounds smart and easygoing, like a David Sedaris book. And, for music, always put Belle & Sebastian and Bruce Springsteen in with whatever bands you namecheck. It's a quick way to let the ladies know that you have a sensitive side but you can be rugged too. We eat that stuff UP.

Listen, don't let your insecurities get in the way when you're filling out your stats. Personally, I would seek out a shorter guy so what might seem like an unappealing quality to you might be superattractive to the right person. And please, be upfront about being divorced. If you aren't, then you'll stress about when would be the right time to tell her and that won't be fun. And, isn't the whole point of the Internet to make our lives more fun?

If you have a burning question, drop us a line at hi@shmittenkitten.com. We promise to lead you towards the light.