Surprisingly Not A Bonerkiller: You Are A DJ

Dating a DJ in 2009 is like dating a record store snob in 1995. Your DJ dude will be just as condescending, competitive, and snotty as your average record store employee. He will have a strong opinion about playing either vinyl records or digital music, which you'll get to hear about constantly. And, almost everything you guys do revolves around his upcoming DJ night: you go with him to Kinko's to make flyers, you drag your ass out of the house to help him "promote" his night by dropping off the flyers you made, and you listen to him sputter on about which songs are gonna be the most killer and/or blow the most minds.

You get to watch him obsess about his night for the entire month, hearing up-to-the-minute updates about his setlist. The perks? Free drinks at his "gig." The small print: you have to stay until the end of the night AND help him lug all of his records back to the car. For all that you put up with, it's a pretty thankless job.

So, with all this kerfuffle, why do we put up with it? Well, it's pretty magical when he looks up from the DJ booth as he's holding the headphones up to his ear, locks eyes with you and smiles. That's your man! And, he's making the entire dance floor bounce! Pride swells in your chest as he expertly transitions from one track to the next. Then, when he throws your favorite song in the mix, it's like a loud love letter that everyone in the room is forced to listen to.

*Dating a guy in a band is pretty much the same deal except they have "practice," which is just an excuse for him to go out drinking with his buddies near musical instruments. Maybe he'll go on tour, which is an excuse to drink with his friends across state lines. What's in it for you? You might get a free band t-shirt which can be eBay gold, depending on if his band makes it big. And, you might inspire some songs; you can now put "muse" on your resume. But, the best part about dating a guy in a band is getting a shout out in the liner notes of his record. It's pretty much like if he hired a skywriter but less wacky.