I'm gonna throw this out there: I have 0% of a clue about how to handle calling a boy that I like. I call my guy friends all the time, but something about calling boys I wanna date terrifies me. As a result, I never call boys, even when I date them. I guess I'm afraid of coming off pushy so, I become the exact opposite of pushy. My cell phone bill statement can back me up on this.I wasn't always like this. In high school, I would pursue any guy that turned my head. Out of impatience, I'd call a guy all the time then scratch my head when he wouldn't respond to my advances.
Sometime around college I read the book The Rules and it warped my phone etiquette completely. It instructed me to never call guys. Instead, I should make them chase me. It's like a light bulb went off. It never occurred to me that my persistence was a turn-off. I've been a freak about the phone ever since.
Oh, and if a guy tells me to call him sometime, I get bummed because I think he must not be that interested in hanging out if he's making me do all the phone legwork, so to speak. Am I reading that wrong? Really, anything having to do with phones and boys I like is a disaster.
So, fellas, what do you think about girls calling you up? Yay or nay? I need some help on this. Freals.
13 comments:
I share the same problem with the added detail of when I do finally call I seem to have to run through the room wildly as I talk flailing my arms around, inevitable then sounding out of breath and kind of crazy. Sad but true.
Haha! That's too funny. I try to call when I'm out running an errand to make it seem like I'm busy, but I always seem to be walking uphill when I get their voicemail and I get to leave a panting message like I'm a thirsty dog. Great.
I never use the phone anymore with dating. We use Yahoo IM and texting to flirt and get to know each other. If we hit it off, we set up the dating via IM. Usually (not always), we'll do one phone call just to make sure we are both legit and able to communicate before meeting.
Please call. It should make things a lot simpler. The whole "chase me" thing would only work if guys understood anything women are thinking. If a guy says "call me sometime" he probably wants a call. If I ask someone to call and they don't, it's kind of a bummer.
Thanks for breaking it down for me, Ryan! I appreciate your thoughts. It actually makes me feel a bit better.
This kind of nonsense is why I still refust to get a cell phone. Everything is annoying and complicated with those things.
Chin up, buttercup. I'm an A+ texter, for what it's worth.
Anna I AM THE SAME WAY!!! I used to call boys and chat for hours, now even if I am dating a guy for awhile i freak out about calling him, is this aging, our culture or a combo of the two???
I'm with Ryan, is it really this complicated? We're already trying to figure out a million other things about you. Everyone wants to feel wanted and a call gives us that feeling, besides it makes us smile when your name comes up on Caller ID.
You should definitely call. If we tell you give us a call, that probably means too shy to call you (or too dumb to remember your number, or where we put it if you wrote it down.)
I also share this problem! And to add to "Finger Talks" ...I get so nervous that my voice goes up about 10 octaves and I become some laughing weird crazy girl who paces the floor trying to think of witty things to say and after hanging up I say "can I get a re-do, please
?"...therefor I do not call boys...I barely even call boys who are friends....sigh. I do however like the idea of calling while running an errand! I will try this the next time :)
I used to be a caller more than I am now, too... but I still tend to take the initiative more often than not. I've come to realize that if a guy is intimidated or thinks I broke the rules of the "pursuit game" by calling him, then he's not man enough for me anyway!
I agree with Ryan and Danny. There are many guys who will not chase women when they run, and will only assume that the woman is not interested in them.
Those books always advocate playing hard-to-get to lure him in, or that he will ride in on horseback if he's really your soul mate. These aren't really things that all guys (or even a sizable minority) understand, and they just keep women away from guys who they might have really liked.
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