Tip Our Hats: You're a Really Fun Drunk

Sure, on any given day, you’re the very picture of restraint. Politeness and manners abound, and everyone you've ever met would describe you as a "really sweet girl.” But in familiar company after a few beers, you’re swearing like a lumberjack prostitute in a David Mamet movie telling off-color jokes that would make Prince blush.

I have no idea why, but it’s friggin’ adorable and I can’t wait to hear what you really think about your creepy co-worker who wears Tevas and socks on casual Friday and who said you had beautiful lips on that team-building trip last month.

I also get a huge kick out of the stories that tumble out of your mouth. With the slightest tangential reference, you’ll go on a tear about the one time in fifth grade where you were totally robbed at the science fair by this bitch whose father clearly did the whole project for her. The way you taught that mouse to run the maze by yourself was amazing, and that prick principal is going to burn in hell for not recognizing that. What was so impressive about a baking soda volcano anyway? Everyone knows how to make one of those. Everyone.

By the end of the night, you’re all tuckered out from the wild gesturing and belly laughing. You'll get all quiet with a goofy drunk smile and want to hold hands on the walk home. In those few short hours, we’ve experienced the full gamut of entertainment. What can we say? It was a good night.