Phrases We'd Like To Stab In The Face: "You Can Come Over...If You Want"

"I think I'm just gonna lay low at my house. Um, you can come over...if you want."
"Well, do you want me to come over?" I say.  Long pause.
"It's up to you. I mean, you can. If you want." 

Not to be too dramatic, but nothing puts a pin in my balloon faster than hearing this out of a guy's mouth. It is the most non-committal, least enthusiastic, unfriendliest, crummiest thing to hear from someone you were excited to spend time with. Of course I want to hang out! Of course I want to come over! That's why I picked up the phone when you called. I put mascara on. I shaved my legs. I'm wearing my lucky blush for crying out loud. All signs point to Yes-I-Want-To-Hang-Out land. 

I'm not sure if this is even scientifically possible, but I swear I can hear him shrugging through the phone. This is maddening. Oh man, I think I just blew a gasket. I can feel the steam zipping out of my ear. I feel my whole body becoming hotter with anger, like when Sarah O'Connor grabs the fence when the nuclear bomb hits in Terminator 2.*

I wish I could stab this phrase in the face. I want to punch a pillow. I want to slam a heavy door. This two minute phone call has essentially turned me into the Hulk. Great.

*For all of my sensitive readers, the image above is a still from the movie Terminator 2. It is all CGI'ed and kinda fake looking. I can assure you that no one was harmed in the making of this post.