Bonerkiller: Your Fad Diet

You can't hang out with me this week because you are on a Master Cleanse diet? What the shit? Let me get this straight. You can't:

• eat real food
• drink any alcohol
• do any strenuous activity
• do anything that could be remotely seen as fun
  

Apparently, the only thing you can do is flop around your apartment out of boredom and complain that you are hungry and that you have no energy. Why are you even on this thing? You look great. Just lay off beer for two weeks and you'll fit into your jeans, no problem. How long do you have to do this? Five days? So our conversations are going to revolve around the progress of this so-called "diet" for the next week or so. Eh. Count me out.

I'll be honest: it's not hot to have a guy give a fuck about fad diets. If I don't pick up when you call, it's because I'm at a Renaissance Faire trying to find a guy jammin' on a huge turkey leg like he don't give a fuck. Yes, your fad diet is making a Ren Faire dude look normal in comparison. Think about that. Don't call me; I'll call you.