Bonerkiller: Baggy Leather Jackets

I am clearly the victim here because I agree to do things and go places with guys I don't know very well. Maybe I met him briefly at a friend's house or was introduced at a co-worker's birthday party. It's hard to get a feel for someone at an event like that, so when we exchange numbers and arrange a first date, it's like I'm settling in to watch a movie after having only seen the trailer.

So, imagine my horror when he steps out of his car wearing a baggy leather jacket. It's a sneak attack; my own personal fashion Pearl Harbor. How was I to know that he was the kind of guy to wear such an ugly garment? What is he, in a dad band? Does he smoke pot in his garage? I can't even sustain eye contact because my attraction to him has taken a kamikaze-esque nose dive. I feel betrayed, swindled even. He seemed normal enough when we met last week, how was I to know that he gets his clothes at Costco? I would've preferred if he had just showed up in a barrel and suspenders.

I hate baggy leather jackets more than I hate Zach Braff (and lord knows that I despise that puffy-lipped, weak-chinned motherfucker.) So, how do I screen for this in the future? Do I have to verbalize, "do you own a saggy leather jacket?" before I accept a date with a man? Is there a support group for girls like me? We need to band together to rid the streets of this horrible jacket atrocity.

The real question is: How can something made out of leather be so wimpy? The world may never know.