Oh, Fuck It: We're Gonna Get A Mailorder Husband

Feeling like there are no good men out there? Sick of dating scenester losers with no idea how to treat a woman? Well, have you seen MailOrderHusbands.net? Ladies, we have our veritable pick of the (cat) litter! I mean, just look at these "men." I think this guy is our favorite.

Name: Buzet
I am looking for someone who can hold my attention, keep up with me, and who knows how to dress a wound. I am attracted to a girl with a job and a car. preferably a Camarro. I like to meet big american girl.
Location: Romania

Or, maybe this guy is our favorite. See? It's so hard to choose!

Name: Bertram
Clyde seeks Bonnie to be partners in crime... I am a trouble maker! Techno-hedonist prone to psychobabble and taking stupid risks. Fun craving, riot inciting, thrill seeking geek girls preferred. Choir girls need not apply, because I plan on committing a few sins and misdemeanors in my time. I got booted off Match.com for cyber stalking but I'm better now.
Location: Manitoba, Canada

Is this site sponsored by the Greater Philadelphia Tourism Marketing Corporation or something because this is making Philly guys look like an entire city of Brad Pitts. After skimming this site for two minutes, I'd take a flaky artist with a working knowledge of the Belle & Sebastian back catalog over these wackjobs any day of the week.