Phrases We'd Like To Stab In The Face: "Wow! You Really Know A Lot Of Guys Here"

This is a strange thing to say to me, especially on a first date. What, exactly did he mean by that? I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me back up. I took him to a house party after a nice dinner. I introduced him to my friends as we wound our way to the kitchen. Then, after our first swig of beer, he exclaimed, "Wow! You really know a lot of guys here." I made a weird face then ignored his comment.

What I SHOULD have done is taken out a laser pointer and highlighted each guy around the room with this running commentary:

See this guy with the hat? He's my best friend's ex. He flopped around my apartment for roughly three years. This guy with the blazer? He's tall and blond and I would never date him. This guy with the motorcycle jacket? My other friend has had a crush on him for six years and I used to go to his dj night back in the day. That guy in the plaid shirt over there went out with my friend a few times and then he blew her off. For some reason, we always say hi to each other but I think he's just over-compensating because he feels bad about being mean to my friend.

Now, see that guy over there by the stereo? We did hook up but I didn't introduce you to him. He gave me a smile and a nod when we walked in. And, see that guy over by the fridge? That's a guy who I did date but we had a falling out and now he's ignoring me. I think he's here with another girl and he feels awkward about it.

The lesson? You should be more concerned with the guys I don't introduce you to. For the most part, those are the ones I have something going on with. If I do introduce you to a guy friend, I'm basically telling you that he's not a threat. Sheesh! Oh, and by the way, fuck you.