Little Known Fact: We Will Judge You Based On Your Chat Icon

Don't get me wrong; we're thrilled when any guy wants to talk to us one-on-one. Bonus points if he can use a computer and string together a sentence. However, initiating a chat with us is a dangerous proposition. We are entering a minefield of potential disappointment and it hinges on the little picture he chooses to display as his icon. This isn't a full-on Back to the Future II-esque video chat we're doing here, we just wanna see his handsome face in our chat window. Is that too much to ask? Apparently, it is.

Worst of the worst: Cartooners. If he pops up in a chat and we see a rendering of himself as a tiny cartoon, we take pause. Why did he do that? We feel like we're chatting with his WiiMe profile. This is our least favorite of all the chat icons because it seems so immature, like he'll blow us off because he was too involved in his video game to return our call. Or, he'll pout when we want to try a new restaurant on our date because he wants to go to his favorite pizza joint for the gamillionth time.

Bad: Default pic. It's like chatting with a chalk outline on the sidewalk. Is he not aware that he can upload a picture? Is he too gnarly to show his face? Are we chatting with Sloth from the Goonies? This is the chicken fingers of chat icons: a boring choice for a boring person.

Not as bad: Something legitimately funny or offbeat. Is that a Tiger Woods picture he's using? That's kinda funny. Is that Sigfried or Roy? Doesn't matter; it's still funny. These are the same guys that will have over 400 Facebook pictures but they'll all be of strange images he found on a weirdo Tumblr blog. On the plus side, this guy will probably have entertaining stories about when his band toured Japan, but he'll have stupid tattoos in prominent places. It's a trade-off.

Eh: The chronic picture changer. Whoa, fella, who puts this much energy into their chat icon? It's like a Viewmaster with you! Everytime we talk you have something new. There's nothing wrong with the images you choose, it's just jarring to see a new pic every single time. You're like the Pepsi logo; always changing but nothing is really a marked improvement over the one before.

Best: A picture of him looking handsome or his cute pet. Slam dunk! Now when we chat, it's like a smile exchange program. I say something and smile. He replies and smiles. We'd make an awesome Christmas card. Also, a picture of his doggy making a cute face is a great icon. However, it must be a pet that he actually owns. Stock photos of animals don't count; it has to be an animal he provides direct care for. Not to be a stickler, but that's a biggie.

Are there any that we missed? Leave 'em in the comments.