Bonerkiller: Your Weird Daytime Errands

It's a great feeling when we finally hook-up with a dude we've been working on for a while. However, dealing with him in the harsh light of day exposes a whole 'nother side to his character. Usually, that side has errands to run. Lots of 'em. And, they're weird. And inconvenient. And boring.

But, we cheerfully agree to go on them anyway because we're foolish. We think, "Oh, great! We're gonna spend some daytime time together LIKE A REAL COUPLE." However, after we bop around with you to the DMV to renew your expired license, to a friend's house on the other side of town to retrieve some boxes you left in their basement, and to your old job to pick up a tax form, we realize that we do not enjoy your company. At all.

The nighttime version of you was charming, carefree, and witty. The daytime version of you is unorganized, skittish, and ill-prepared. That's like some Cinderella shit right there. Your coach has just turned into a pumpkin, buddy. It's official: We hate being in your life. We think it dawned on us somewhere around the time you haggled with the DMV agent because with no birth certificate and no electric bill as proof of residence, you couldn't prove you legally existed.

And, if we were on the fence with how we felt about you up to this point, when you asked us to borrow $5 for lunch, well, that's what sealed the deal.