Quick Rant: Facebook Chatterboxes

Chatting on Facebook is the worrrrrst. On the totem pole of flirting behavior, FB chatting hovers around the bottom near "whistling at me from across the street" and "putting the moves on me two minutes after my friend turned you down."

The site is too bright so awkwardly chatting with him is like he's trying to hit on me while I'm in line at Target. It's hard to feel sexy when there are pictures of my sister's baby and my Mom's Scrabble score streaming in the background. So, when I hear that little thud pingy sound in my browser alerting me to a new message, I brace myself. For a split second, I consider the possibilities here: Is it the guy I like? Or my best friend stopping by to say hi? Nope, most likely it's a dude. Who has a girlfriend. And is bored and wants my attention. Refer to the chart:

Seriously, the only guys who ever want to talk to me are shady dudes. I don't know why; I'm not particularly that exciting. They always breathlessly ask what I'm up to. Uh, sitting on the damn computer like you, my dear. This is what your do when your girlfriend is away/ asleep/ in the next room? Bother girls like me with boring, unfunny questions? 

I know I can turn the chat feature off, but I have to say that I secretly enjoy the mixed bag of dudes I hear from. I'm a glutton for punishment, obviously. Whatever. Honestly, I NEVER look at the list to see who's available to chat. However, these shadeball supersleuth chatterboxes somehow know the exact minute I pop in to check out the event details for my friend's house party next week. Who has time to monitor that? I know I'm wasting time being on the site in the first place, but even I have some standards about the extent of my time wasting, you know?