It's the end of the date, and even though we had terrific, sexy banter, we haven't touched all night. He tells me that he had a really great time and he wants to see me again. And then he leans in... and hugs me. And it's Date #2.
C'mon fatso and just bust a move
Don't get me wrong: I'm a feminist and I believe in women taking control of their dating lives. But at a certain point, I want to be grabbed and kissed. I want him to reach for my hand, or put his arm around me, or even just lower his head to whisper something in my ear; something to make me feel like he's interested in taking it further.
When he just sits there and I have to initiate everything, I get insecure. I hate that. Or I start to wonder whether we're on a date at all. I guess we are because he paid for my food and drinks. That means something, right? Whatever. Either way, I've lost interest. FYI guys, I'm not here to make friends. Smooch or get off the pot!
I get downright angry if a guy doesn't make a move. I once went out for dinner with a guy then we parted ways at the subway--I was going uptown and he was heading downtown--and after he gave me a friendly hug, I felt a full-on hissy fit coming on. As I paced around the platform, I made a lot of frustrated gestures. I think I even mouthed the words "what the fuck," as I mocked pulling my hair out.
Long story short, he called me an hour later to make sure I got home okay then asked why I was flipping out when I was waiting for the train. I totally forgot that he was across the tracks; he had witnessed my entire freakout! I mumbled something about how I had a tough day at work then just felt like one huge, "Yikes!" caption.
The point: Don't flip out within his field of vision. Wait 'til you get home.
13 comments:
Yo seriously. There's nothing like listening to my bros complain about how they "didn't get any" when they tell me they sat and "talked about everything for HOURS" when they were all alone with their date in the living room/car/airlock/zeppelin/ad nauseum. Personally, I like to get the date kiss out of the way at some point during the middle. That's just me, though.
yes the misinterpretation of feminism is endemic in my generation - I am a recovering wimp myself.
I think the big problem is the idea that 'consent' means 'verbal consent' - it doesn't! consent means consent. a girl will tell you she's not going to have sex with you but if you play it cool that often means the opposite of what she said.
on the other hand - getting kissed by a girl makes a lasting impression. trust me.
Guilty.
Ugh, this kills me. I've read my Dworkin and Brownmiller, etc., but seriously? Sometimes I just want to you to make a fist in my hair, pull my mouth to yours and go for it. And the "Would it be okay if I kissed you now?" thing is undoubtedly sweet, but this girl needs a little "From Here to Eternity" action from time to time, if you know what I'm sayin'.
WHOA, schwabsauce, don't misinterpret what I said. "a girl will tell you she's not going to have sex with you but if you play it cool that often means the opposite of what she said"??? No no no! If she openly TELLS you that she's not going to have sex, then DON'T try to have sex with her!!!
I'm not talking about me telling the guy I don't want something, and then getting mad when he listens to me... WTF?
And I'm not talking about sex, either. I'm talking about a romantic end-of-date kiss! Or some romantic hand-holding! Or some romantic... romance! It SUCKS when I've been leaning on him all night while we watch a movie and still get nothing. And I can't always be the one to leap up and kiss him at the end of the night. First of all, I'm too short for that. But it's not the kind of relationship I want, anyway. If he's socially adept enough to keep up the conversation, he's socially adept enough to give me a little physical attention.
I think it is totally reasonable to wait a few dates and getting to know someone if you feel like waiting. No?
yeah schwabsauce you kinda come across like a date rapist. might want to rethink that one.
Ugh, this kills me. I've read my Dworkin and Brownmiller, etc., but seriously? Sometimes I just want to you to make a fist in my hair, pull my mouth to yours and go for it. And the "Would it be okay if I kissed you now?" thing is undoubtedly sweet, but this girl needs a little "From Here to Eternity" action from time to time, if you know what I'm sayin'.
Instead of an actual comment here, please google up any number of "Boys cannot read girls' minds" rants. Seriously, how the fuck are we supposed to know that what you want right now is hair-grabbing? We just met you! If you want it, make a fucking move, ladies.
Besides, it's kind of nice to know she's kissing you because she wants to and not just because you started it and she's just going along.
Moral of the story: Everybody should just make a goddamn move. But that includes the ladies.
"Besides, it's kind of nice to know she's kissing you because she wants to and not just because you started it and she's just going along."
Exactly, Boys get insecure too, please kiss us. thxbye
Girl, you just gotta give it up and kiss them. Except for my VERY FIRST KISS, I've kissed every man first. There's not enough time and patience in the world to wait around for someone else to give you want you want - you gotta take it!
I always make the first move. I am impatient. Sometimes it goes, sometimes not. Just go for it, seriously.
Sucks, eh? All the equality in the world won't make the old desires go away. Any idea why a girl really really prefers a guy to make the first move? Any idea why a guy prefers a girl who hasn't already slept with half the football team? Is it really just patriarchal oppression? Just social pressure? Maybe girls and boys aren't exactly the same.
No guy with a half a brain today is going to go all Rhett Butler on you, there's too many media stories of rape accusations and "no means no" sermons. You can say "but I'm not saying no," until you're blue in the face, but isn't flirting and anticipation all about ambiguity? What if he reads the girl wrong? 5 years in jail is a long time, much less a lifetime of being branded a sexual preditor, and he has no guarantee that you're not crazy enough to accuse him of something he didn't do.
This isn't to say it's your fault or his fault. Feminism is a huge change with unexpected consequences.
Uh, I'm talking about kissing me first, nothing rape-y! Whoa.
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