Bonerkiller: Crumpled Dollar Bills

When he digs into his pocket and produces a wad of crumpled dollar bills to pay for his cup of coffee, I take pause. Is his pocket the trash compactor in Star Wars? Does he like having his money look like dented ping pong balls? Is he against folding?

Those are some crinkled money balls, my man. It's like he's peeling a tiny artichoke made out of money.

And, I can already tell that this guy is gonna be a vending machine liability because there is no way that it's gonna recognize THAT as American currency. He'll try and flatten it out by the rubbing it over the edge of the Coke machine, but it won't work and then he'll turn to me with his puppy dog eyes and ask if he can borrow a crisper buck. Even machines think his dollar bills are stupid, not just me.

I don't know if he picked up a shift at the local topless bar or what, but his pockets look like a stripper's coin purse. His money doesn't have to be as stiff as a British man's upper lip, but come the fuck on.