I Love Love Love Guys That Listen to the Misfits

I first heard the Misfits in high school. My boyfriend played them for me when we were driving in his car.

"Who is this?" I asked.

"The Misfits. They're one of my favorite bands." He inched the volume up a few clicks.

"Oh, yeah. I've heard of them before, I've just never heard them."

He took his eyes off the road and looked at me. "They sound so romantic, you know?"

Romantic. Hmmm. I had to let that tumble around my head a bit. I'd never heard him use that word before to describe anything, much less a band from New Jersey that sang about werewolves, zombies, and horror hotels.

I bought their greatest hits album the next week. Although their image seemed savage, what with the devil's locks and skulls, their music was pretty tame with choruses that seemed ripe for sing-a-longs. The grittiness appealed to me; the low rumble of the bass sounded like it'd been dragged through dirt. I put "Return of the Fly" and "Some Kind of Love" on all of my mix tapes from then on. My boyfriend received their box set the following Christmas as a present. It was shaped like a mini-black coffin and it came with a limited edition pin that said "Fiend Club" on it. I considered stealing it, but I didn't. He'd notice if it went missing.

The first song I learned to play on my guitar was "Last Caress," so you can understand why I get a charge when a guy tells me that he likes the Misfits. It warms me up to him automatically. That's probably where most of my life problems generate from: I'd pick a guy in a Misfits shirt over a guy with a 401(k).

Generally speaking, your average Misfits fan:

• looks lumpy in a suit
• has daydreamed about having a wedding on Halloween
• owns one hoodie that he wears all the time and it smells like what could only be described as "sugared armpit"
• has had the same summer "look" for almost 15 years (it's cargo shorts and a band t-shirt)
• actively posts on messageboards
• gets excited when the total due is $1.38
• is terrified of women, yet always seems to have a girlfriend
• has the eating habits of a teenage girl with PMS i.e. lots of fried foods and sweet treats
• still subscribes to skateboard magazines
• doesn't dance AT ALL unless he's wasted
• still has a healthy collection of VHS movies collecting dust in his house
• has at least one tattoo of a monster

But, I still love Misfits fans. I probably always will. Here, let's listen to a song.