Oh No He Di'int Ignore My Friend Request

I see. So, that's what my Internet friendship means to you? Obviously it's not very much because you've ignored my friend request like it's nothing. I'm not asking you for money or a ride to somewhere inconvenient, I'm asking to be a little box hanging out with all of your other little boxes on a website you visit out of boredom/curiosity.

You know, I never thought I'd have so much in common with a Viagra spam ad because we both seem to be in your trash folder. And, that's what I feel like: TRASH!

I don't want to be your online friend anyway. It doesn't even look like that much fun. You probably never post cool links or funny status updates. Now that I think about it, I don't wanna have access to your shitshow page, with the sparse info filled in and whatnot. I've seen waaaaaay better pages in my day with funny random quotes and clever hobbies up the wahzoo! Fuck your page and fuck you.

Ok. Upon, re-reading that last paragraph, I realize that I might've been a little dramatic. And immature. But, I'm totally gonna change for you, baby. I'll be nicer. You make me want to be nicer, that's why I need you in my stable of 467 friends.

I'll "like" roughly one-third of what you post. And--I'm gonna put this out there--you can totally hide my updates if you want. I'm okay with that. It's fine, really.

Come here. We're cool, right? Give me a smile. There it is! Haha. I knew I could make you smile. I was just saying how much I love it when you smile. Really! Yeah, I was just telling that person right there that you have, like, the BEST smile ever. Alright, let's go grab some pizza. My treat.