Bonerkiller: Smokers

As someone who has dated my fair share of smokers, I can honestly say smoking is one of the worst habits a guy can have, hands down. It's expensive, it's smelly, it's bad for his health: those are just a few of the reasons he should kick smoking to the curb.

But, the most annoying part is that when we go out on a date, he leaves me at the table by myself every half hour to go outside and get his fix. You know why people enjoy cable TV so much? Because there's no commercial breaks! Our date doesn't need the equivalent of a commercial break.

At first, it's not a big deal; I'll dick around, checking my email on my phone. But by the third or fourth time, it starts to become a thing. Sure, he'll invite me to come, but that means I have to take my purse with me, put the coaster over my beer and shuffle outside to stand around and make small talk which is borrrrring.

I've only had fun ONCE going outside while my dude smoked and it was because a guy pulled up in a cool car and I got to talk to him about it. That's the sum total of fun I've ever had standing outside of a bar I'd like to be in so that my date could have a smoke.

The worst is when we go out with my friends who also smoke because then I see everyone outside smoking together as I sit by myself. I'm like Stephen Glansberg, the kid who had to eat dessert all by himself in Superbad.

It also sucks when he leans in to kiss me after he's taken his last drag and he tastes like an volacano's fart. He'll get annoyed when I turn my head so the kiss lands on my cheek but COME ON, how could he not know that he tastes like dirt? Smokers, knock it off!