Bonerkiller: His Long Fingernails

Aw, hell no. HELLLLL NOOOOO. His long fingernails will never touch my body. No way. Nope. Not a chance. Not if he got down on his knees and begged me. Not while I'm alive and walking on this earth. Not while anything is alive ever. Not if he promised to pay off my student loans. Not if he built me a time machine and gave me a chance to meet my great great grandkids then come back and use my knowledge of the future to make strategic choices about what technologies to invest in so I'd get rich. Nope. It's not gonna happen. Not in a million years. Not in a trillion years. Not fucking EVER.

What kind of guy has long fingernails? Is he on Team Jacob and shows it by growing his fingernails long like a werewolf? Hey, I love Teen Wolf as much as the next girl, but I feel like guys with long fingernails aren't party animal high school basketball players; they're more likely to go to Burning Man, make their own lentil soup and have farts that smell like a Calcutta bazaar in August. It's gross!

Well, maybe if he just cut his fingernails down to a reasonable length for an adult male to have I'd consider letting him touch me. Maybe. But, now I know that he's the kind of guy to have long fingernails so don't need a Magic 8 Ball to tell me that the "outlook is not so good" about that.