I Am Submitting A Petition For My Ex To Get A Bad Haircut

Hey guys, will you sign this? It's a petition to force my ex to get a terrible haircut. I feel like if he had a fucked up 'do, it'd really help me get over him quicker. I'm almost there. I'm on the cusp of getting over him, but I feel that a bad haircut would totally decimate any lingering attraction I have to him.

Maybe he could get an Ashley Shaeffer-esque coif. It'd look like a slice of angel cake was giving his head a blowjay. Gross, right? 

If he had a furry flattop like Simon Cowell, it'd look like an angry badger was taking a dump on his skull. Ewwww.

Or, if he looked like the crazy evangelical guy in Contact, I'm sure I'd never daydream about smelling his neck again. If anything, I'd want a restraining order! He looks like Nelson's understudy. No thank you.

If I forced his barber to make his hair look like an onion loaf made out of cotton candy, I could finally tell him that he's fired from being in my brain.

 
See? A stupid haircut could really make all the difference here. It's up to you guys to make this happen.