Surprisingly Not a Bonerkiller: Guys Who Were Stagehands In Their High School Theater Productions

I've as surprised as anyone that being a stagehand in high school isn't a total turn-off for me. I want it to be. Boy, do I want it to be. You honestly have NO IDEA how much of a turn-off it is to picture a younger, chubbier version of this guy wearing a black turtleneck, shuffling around backstage pulling ropes and pushing set props around in the dark. It's probably the dorkiest thing I can think of as far as high school extracurricular activities go.

By all means, this should be a bonerkiller, but it's not. I look at the guy now and he knows which wine to pair with which proteins at dinner. He plays NPR when he gets dressed for work in the morning. He's smart, funny, and well-educated. I mean, he's practically perfect!

When I grill him about the stagehand thing, he just shrugs and says that he wasn't into sports so it was a way for him to be part of a team without the whole competitive angle.

"Did you have to wear a turtleneck?"
"Yeah."
"Was it black?"
"Yes."
"Did you have to pull ropes?"
"Sometimes."
"Did you push set pieces around between acts?"
"Sometimes. Why are you asking about this? It was so long ago!"

Here's the thing: In high school, I never would've hooked up with him. I'd gravitate toward the mouthy punks, not the quiet, sensitive peripheral theater help. But, what can I say? As adults, those guys rule as boyfriends! I've come to terms with it. I gotta give high school stagehands props and not the kind they'd move around behind a heavy curtain during intermission.