What The FUCK Is Up With His Sock Situation?

It has become clear to me that he takes no pride in his foot underwear whatsoever. There is no quality control; any old piece of cloth somewhat shaped like a foot is granted permanent residence in his sock drawer.

Consequently, they're the fruitcake of his wardrobe. Those shitty socks were probably a present from his aunt and they will never get tossed out even though they have catapulted past their expiration date. He needs to give at least 75% of his sock collection the boot. Instead, he'll just wear 'em until the threads peel away from his foot in total despair. I don't blame them. I'd probably do the same thing if I had to hang out in his shitty sneakers all day. 

They look pathetic enough ganged up in his sock drawer together like malnourished inmates in a Chinese prison, but it's not much better when they're on his body. They're all thin and any trace of elastic has long since abandoned the effort so they slouch around his ankle like a disinterested 7th grader. The holes by the toes are especially pathetic, like his feet are auditioning for the role of Tiny Tim in a community play.

I wanna pass around a Pepsi can and scrape up enough money to get him a six-pack of athletic socks at Target. It'll be like sending his feet to Club Med. They'd love it! Trust me.