Quick Rant: Dude, Step Away From The Bench Press

I've become accustomed to his bony knees and sharp elbows. He's frail, like a baby bird which I'm totally okay with. In fact, I like it.

So, it's annoying when he suddenly decides that he wants to get his pump on at the gym and bulk up. Week by week I'll notice his progress. I'll frown a bit when his spaghetti arms begin to take on definition.

"Check out my guns," he'll say as he flexes in the mirror. He'll beam as his tiny biceps pop up in thick knots. Oh, I'm checking them out all right. And, mentally, I'm checking out too.

Some guys just look better skinny. If I wanted to date a gorilla juicehead, I wouldn't have bothered with his scrawny ass in the first place. Step away from the bench press. Drop that dumbbell. And, for the love of god, put away the protein shake. I have two words for him: CARROT TOP. See? Not everyone should be allowed in the weight cage.