Real Talk: His Ex Is Awesome

From Jessica, who hates to admit it, but his ex seems pretty rad.

I love some harmless ex-girlfriend bashing. Sorry, but it can make me feel better sometimes. It's easy when there's clear cut reason that they broke up, i.e. his ex was a total bitch or just a straight-up loser. But sometimes it's a little jarring when his ex-gf is cool. And no matter how hard you try, you can't find anything wrong with her. And it sucks!

I admit it's shallow but I like to think that my boy is taking a step up in the dating pool by dating me. Sure, I can tell myself he's with me now because he likes me more. I'm funny, smart, and pretty damn cute! I win! Right? Sometimes it doesn't really feel that way.

I'm not a particularly jealous person, but damn, his ex-gf is freaking awesome. She's a scuba diving instructor. She saved orphans in Uganda. She ran two dozen marathons in one month. She's trained wild horses. She models on the side but donates all her earnings to animal shelters. She was on the production staff for Tron. Me? Well let's see....I drank too much at an office happy hour last week and puked in my cubicle.

My one consolation is that she's a demon who cheated on him, right? Wrong. "They just weren't meant to be" and had an amicable split. Well at least we can hate her for her "holier than thou" attitude, right? Wrong. She's actually super sweet. And funny. What the fuck. I'm begging her to do something bitchy. Kick a kitten or something so I can have a reason to hate her already.

I have to keep my insecurities in check and take it as a compliment that he's dating me after her. Obviously there must be something awesome and special about me that he sees. But I really wish she would trip a grandmom or shove a poor kid down a slide a la A Christmas Story. It would just make me feel better!

This sort of happened to me a while ago, but it was with my ex's new girl. I was still upset about our breakup and it was doubly upsetting to see him find love so quickly. I had a few friends in common with the new girl and all I'd hear about was how amazing she was and how much we'd get along if only we met. I was like, "FUCK THAT! I never want to meet her." I avoided them at all costs. If I heard that they'd be at a party, I wouldn't go. If I heard that they were going to see a band play, I'd refuse to attend the show. It was horrible.

I'd been avoiding them for about a year when my friend invited me to go to a dinner party with him. After he picked me up, I asked who else was gonna be there and he said her name followed quickly with, "It's not a big deal. Honestly, it'll be fine." I tried to keep my panic in check. As soon as we walked into the party, she gave me a warm hug. She gushed about how excited she was for us to finally meet. Guys, I cannot tell you how much that meant to me. She was clearly the bigger person here and I'll never forget how welcome she made me feel. All of my anxiety about her instantly evaporated. It's funny; I don't talk to the guy anymore, but I'm still friends with her! Some girls are just unhateable. That's science.