Reader Submitted Boxerdropper: I'm An Uncle

From Patrick, who sounds like the best uncle ever.

Here, Uncle Jesse's just THINKING about being a rad uncle.
This guy is the real deal.

Sure, I have beautiful red hair, impeccable style and speak in dulcet tones but what I'm really offering as your boyfriend is access to a nephew that's cute as hell. That's right, this super cool dude you're kind of interested in can also take care of those maternal instincts without the hassle of knocking you up.

My nephew is awesome. He has rosy cheeks and loves to make forts. We can take him out for ice cream, laugh at how he always says totally inappropriate things about people within earshot and teach him how to do hilarious things his parents will hate. But wait, you're tired after ice cream? Well that's why this is so much more awesome than having our own kid, let's just take him back. That's right: we'll have all the benefits of childcare with none of the responsibility.

But you don't like playing with G.I. Joes and killing bugs? Well thankfully, I also have an adorable niece. Let's play dress up; I'll look great in makeup. Then we'll take a little break for a tea party and maybe even play a round of Pretty Pretty Princess.

All I'm saying is that we both know you love kids but that freelance writing "career" isn't going to support having some anytime soon. So let's just borrow my sister's offspring and not worry about how we'll pay for their college or how many stitches your vagina is going to need after giving birth.

I have an amazing niece myself (What up, Lady J!), so I understand the appeal. Sounds like a win/win sitch to me.