Bonerkiller: Excessive Embroidery On His Back Pockets

When he turned around, I flipped my shades but not for the normal reason: I had to shield my peepers from the glare of his overly embroidered back pockets. I full-on winced when I saw the intricate gold design swirling around his butt cheeks like it was an artistic representation of Louis XIV being flushed down a toilet.

I can't believe he picked those jeans out, tried them on, looked at himself in the dressing room mirror, nodded in approval and bought them. He looks like he sat on the Vegas strip and it morphed onto his body. I mean, does he know that his butt looks like Liberace JO'ed on denim?

If I'm being honest, I have to say that given the choice of a flashy tush and a less flashy tush, I'd prefer a less flashy tush. There's no need for so much embroidery on a man's garment. I don't even want to notice any pockets on his jeans! Who needs to call that much attention to their ass anyway? Let me discover how amazing it is; build up some buzz like an indie movie or a band that only has a 7'' out. Let me discover it; at least give me that. Please, just go for plain pockets, people. This is horrible.