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SUCCESS! We influenced a guy's dating behavior for the better! We can know add "unlicensed educators" to our resumes.
So, naturally, hearing from him made me wonder if we had had the same affect on any of our other male readers. Question: Have you learned anything from reading the site? Have you changed any habits? Have you seen results from those changes? Tell me in the comments.
Thanks, dudes. If I can prevent at least one man from wearing an excessively baggy shirt on a first date, then my job here is done. You can't see me, but I'm saluting the American flag right now. If this post were a Full House episode, Danny Tanner would be sitting on the edge of DJ's bed with his arm around her and the soft music would play as he explains the lesson of the episode. Yeah. Just like that.
53 comments:
Well, I guess it taught me that being a tall bearded Canadian ex-punk rocker tradesman, I would probably have better luck with women in Philly.
AGreed. Girls would LOVE you here!
I'm into it, provided we can mock each other's nationalities and you don't mind me putting "Canadian Boyfriend" by The All Girl Summer Fun Band on all of your mixtapes.
In that case I might be looking for a green card...
I know you were just asking the dudes, but as a babe I've learned to try to make light of my angsty boyfriend problems. Instead of getting pissy pants that he doesn't notice I'm wearing sexy black mascara instead of daytime brown mascara, I just try to get sassy and silly with my complaints. Thanks Anna!
as a dude, i've learned chicks are as equally shallow and non committing as dudes.
Hmmm. You're right. I am shallow! On that note, you sound like the kind of guy I'd dump for using a word like "chicks" and saying "non committing" instead of "noncommittal."
I learned that being a short redhead who listens to 80s hardcore isn't always a bonerkiller. Thanks Anna!
Yup! Now we're talkin'.
I learned that most men don't go to the dentist.
Anna, I HATE when men use the term "chicks". I thought I was the only one.
I've learned that women can dump guys for several seemingly inane reasons. But that only says to me that most women know what they really want.
Basically, "don't be a dick."
I now make it a point to give a girl jukebox money when on a date. Also, "Things in his House that Make Me Sad" should be collected into a comprehensive guide. Some are obvious, some controversial, many enlightening.
You do the jukebox thing? THAT'S AWESOME!
I do NOW. See, you're helping.
*pats myself on the back*
I've learned that, if she dumped you over *that* (for some superficial value of that) you're probably better off. No matter what your *that* is, there are likely plenty of women who won't even notice it.
Above all, though, don't even consider fixing yourself just for that one girl, no matter how hot/cute/smart/sexy/whatever. Fix yourself for you, if you really need to -- or just learn to love yourself enough that your flaws don't all stick out like quills, anymore -- and get over yourself.
At any given time in your life -- no matter who you are or what you look like -- there are no fewer than three people you know right now who would go for it given even the slightest encouragement. The trick is learning to find the one among them that you can go for, too.
Don't waste your time trying to make something work if it obviously isn't. That's just a way of making yourself sad while blaming the other person for your suffering.
Clearly none of this applies just to the men...
"non committing" and "noncommittal" don't really mean the same thing.
the proper holding pattern before facebooking a new crush...used to do that sh!t right away...my mind was blown
i learned that it's not lame to thoroughly enjoy reading a XX chromosome oriented dating blog.
also, i learned that the "chicks" on this blog have dated some wretched dudes in their day, and that it may be more important to simply not screw up than to actively impress.
lastly, and perhaps most importantly, i use the term bonerkiller on the reg now. thanks.
"I've learned that, if she dumped you over *that* (for some superficial value of that) you're probably better off. No matter what your *that* is, there are likely plenty of women who won't even notice it."
This part kind of bummed me out to read. Maybe I'm reading it to it or taking it too personally, but I feel like you're dwelling on the negative here. I talk a TON about all the little quirks that guys do that make me go weak in my knees. I want to boost guys up, not make them feel terrible.
And, for the record, bonerkillers are just things that a guy do that make me lose attraction to him. I've never dumped a dude over just one. Usually there are like, ten of them in concert that make me realize that the guys isn't a good fit for me. I'm still friendly with almost all of my exes. Even if I put one of their behaviors on blast, it doesn't mean that I don't value them.
I hope that clears some things up!
And, for the record, I'm best friends with the guy who inspires 90% of the Things In His House That Make Me Sad series of posts. He gets a kick out of it!
I try to be funny with my Bonerkillers, never mean. I love guys more than almost anyone I know. Seriously. I LOVE THEM. I can't think of anything else I could write a blog about for 3+ years. You guys fascinate me! Truly.
Women are much more fickle than I thought, men much more debauched, but worst of all - that women are willing to go far too long without orgasms for relationships that don't seem very satisfying. Why tolerate such a prison sentence for pleasure?
I've come to appreciate having quite non-deformed genitalia. That way, I can focus all my neurosis towards my personality, and not some existential dilemma over tiny or smelly or discolored junk I would have no control over.
Yay?
"This part kind of bummed me out to read. Maybe I'm reading it to it or taking it too personally, but I feel like you're dwelling on the negative here."
You *are* taking it too personally... because I wasn't clear that I was talking about who men are, not about any individual or theoretically grouped female behavior. The problem is that men tend to obsess -- even the best of us. We think there's going to be a Special Connection with Her and we lose all perspective. Of course that Special Connection is rare an elusive for everybody, but we don't see everybody's experience. We only see our own experience in the moment, because we are blinded by our own male single-mindedness. (Seriously. Have you ever tried to get a man to hold two thoughts in his head at the same time. The insult about men "only thinking about one thing" becomes a laughably innocuous truism when you add the phrase "at a time.")
Anyway, because of this single-mindedness, we very easily fall victim to the, "if *that* was the problem then I'll never find The Right One," fallacy. (We only see one *that* even if she listed twenty -- only one thing, remember.)
So yes: it's dwelling on the negative, but mainly as a way of reminding other men that that negative is actually an illusion brought on by the way we are wired.
Hope this clears some thing up, too!
THAT'S what reading my funny blog about dating has taught you?? Weird!!!
I'm having a hard time understanding where you're coming from. Can you give me examples of something I've posted that makes you feel this way?
I've learned that it seems I'd be a hell of a lot better off finding a date in Philly than Louisville. Add to that, I always have chapstick and gum with me...
Ha! Awesome, Jimmy.
"I've learned that, if she dumped you over *that* (for some superficial value of that) you're probably better off. No matter what your *that* is, there are likely plenty of women who won't even notice it."
So... I kind of took this as somewhat of a positive. So you're super long awesome thread of comments on "why did you really dump him".... i bet that a lot of those "*that*'s can be found in the "surprisingly not a bonerkiller" section... so essentially if it's something that one girl hates about a guy, there's definitely going to be someone out there that finds that quality endearing, and actually kind of cute... and there will be plenty of people who won't notice the flaw.
Ahhh! When you put it like that Ash, that makes more sense. Thanks!
Well, not to be aggro, but the "why you really dumped him" thread did get more than a little unnerving. On both sides, there's a lot of superficial weirdness that seems unavoidable.
Luckily I'm with someone now who can laugh that stuff off - as I usually can - but we've all been with people who take way too seriously how you hold your fork when twirling spaghetti, etc., and make it a point of contention. I mean, that thread kind of stressed me out - like, jeez, am I paying for enough drinks here? I thought I was but now I'm second-guessing it... Knawmean?
I do see what you mean. But, I took that thread to be more about soundbites and snapshots than the whole story. It sounds like those were the wrong guys anyway, and the quirks they displayed took on greater offense because of that.
If I was with the right guy, I'm sure I'd find a way to see those same quirks as borderline charming.
Anonymous (I'm assuming the last few were all the same guy), calm down, bro. Most of those comments either listed like 8 weird things about each guy (and some of them were REALLY weird things), or they just harped on the funniest/most obnoxious one. I would think very few of them alone caused a breakup; why do you think most of those girls looked past the first 7 ridiculous things about the dude in the first place to even find out about the 8th?
No girl is ever going to flat out dump you solely on the fact that you hold your fork and eat your pisgetties like a 6 year old, but if she's talking to her friends about funny things that have happened to her (or say, commenting on a comically inspired dating blog), she's likely to mention it.
However, if you took all that to mean "just be myself because the person meant for me will accept me and all my quirks," then congrats, because that's the outlook we should all be so fortunate to possess. Just don't be such a ween about it.
1) pisgetties.... LOVE your use of it
2) plus 1 for the ween comment. i'm not sure if you meant it as short for wiener or weenus but i hope it was the latter because it makes me giggle.
if you don't know what a weenies is... http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_a_weenus
(:
if i've learned anything from this blog (i know this is for the guys but i still want to say) it's that I'm not the only one who thinks the way I do and it makes me feel just a little less crazy (on a relative scale).
Last anonymous was a different anonymous.
There are at least three of ous.
Ash IS interpreting my comments accurately. Thanks Ash!
I'm super excited i inspired a blog post! Yay me! But beyond buying a full length mirror, i'd say the most important thing i've learned from reading this site is too not be so damn nervous about just talking to any girl. Most of the guys profiled on this site, tip of the hats and bonerkillers look all different, have different styles and sizes and all kinds, so i just figured it's completely random what one person likes and another doesn't. And if you're not a complete douche, you might have a chance!
Other things:
I get second opinions on my outfits before i go out, after making sure it fits well in the mirror
I'm poor, but i set money aside for a dating budget, so i don't have to be the "can you get this?" guy
I bought multiple towels and toothbrushes
And finally, i'm not sure if its intentional, but i feel this blog encourages a modern sense of chivalry, thats not completely antiquated and misogynist, and is a welcome change from the "10 ways to manipulate women into liking you" style of dating that most man-sites encourage. It boils down real simply "Be a nice honest guy and dress/smell better"
re: What Has Reading Shmitten Kitten Taught You?
Shmitten Kitten has taught me that I have a thing for tall, buxom brunettes.
Allan Smithee
Awwwww, yeah! Tall, buxom brunettes yeah!
I've learned that Anna is not what you'd call 'the marrying type.'
..Not in a 'future spinster/cat lady because she was way too fickle'-type either, mind you. I just can't see her settling for one guy, like, ever.
I mean, if she wasn't 'out there' playing the field..SK would get hella dull.
Um, I didn't mean that to come out as a reverse compliment, so sorry if it did.
I see what you're saying, but when I fall in love, I'm extremely loyal. I just happen to not be in love with anyone spectacular right now so I'm having fun focusing on me! (And short guys. Mostly short guys.)
Also, living in Philly has something to do with this I suspect. I often wonder if I'd stayed in Chicago (where I grew up) if I'd have a husband by now. I'm almost certain I would. Guys out there seem to "get" me more. Plus, they love big boobs in the Midwest. I'm sure I'd snap a hubby up in no time.
Anna, I'm going to let you in on a 'real man secret' that's true in Philly, and everywhere else..
*stage whisper*
'We ALL love big boobs!'
And if you find a compatible woman with brains AND a giant rack? ('bolt-ons' *implants* don't count BTW, gotta be 'factory stock'!)..You lock that shit DOWN, son!
Also, according to a statistic I just made up:79% percent of dudes that say they 'prefer a petite,flat chested girl' are just not ready to fully come out of the closet and make the jump to other men yet. (hey, statistics don't lie!)
So, sadly yes,Van Halen videos and beer commercials aren't totally lying about us.
You made me laugh, so thank you! But, have you ever been to the Midwest? Have you ever been a girl with big boobs? I'm guessing no to both counts.
Guys WORSHIP big chests in the Midwest. It's on a whole different level. I'm not kidding. On the contrary, guys in Philly are obsessed with asses. I'm telling you, boobs are more of an afterthought here.
Reading Shmitten Kitten makes me feel better about myself because I do not do about 75% of the dumb stuff you ladies yap about. The other 25% makes me realize my own insecurities about being a doofus aren't even half as bad as I make them.
I am also fortunate enough to have many lady friends so they also tend to keep me in check. thanks!
-Dave
"guys in Philly are obsessed with asses. I'm telling you, boobs are more of an afterthought here. "
I dunno, I dated a very large chested girl for a long time, and every time we went out to a club,bar,shopping...anywhere really, I had to be in constant 'Brinks Truck Mode' meaning I couldn't leave her side for two seconds without a multitude of dudes trying to scam on her.
( all being totally unable to look her in the eyes if you get my drift).
It did get to be a bit exhausting after a while..Eventually she broke up with me
*sad piano*..
Either I totally sucked as a BF (possible) or she realized she had a shitload of other options thanks in part to her, ahem, attributes. (likely)
But yeah, boob worship=worldwide. Look in any teenage boy's sock drawer (sorry, I'm old, I meant, 'browsing history') Guaranteed major boob-age in there.
I learned that people take cell phone pics of snakes in high heel shoes. I also learned that it is quite difficult to find an image of a snake in a high heel shoe online.
Lars, that's hilarious!
Shmitten Kitten is arguably one of the most entertaining blogs I've read in a long time. I'm certainly no date guru but I know what not to do when entertaining the ladies. May I never be a bonekiller!!! Now if I can stop huffing glue..
Being from the midwest (still confused by this geographical definition) Anna is spot on with the boob thing. Boobs are pretty awesome.
i already knew this, but your wonderful blog just drives it home for me:
i'm so fuckin happy to be married!
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