However, I fucking hate that little wiry, manicured tuft of hair parked under his lip and above his chin. How much do I hate it? Well, I wanna draft legislation outlawing it from being grown on American soil. I wanna build a tiny lawnmower that will shave it off. And, I want to go back to school, get my PhD in chemistry, and invent a serum that will make growing hair on the area under his lip genetically impossible. It's like his face has graffiti on it.
When I half-joked, "How long have you had your soul patch?", he acted like he didn't know what I was talking about.
"Oh, you mean my flavor saver? Gee. I don't know. Four years, I guess?" Ewwww, dude! Him saying that made it a million times worse!
I'm gonna he honest: his stupid soul patch is ruining my night. I don't want to look at it. I don't want to touch it. Frankly, I don't want it anywhere near me. It's the Gary Busey of facial hair: no one wants to deal with it on an extended basis under any circumstances. Can you blame them?
12 comments:
But c'mon. Bruce Springsteen gets a pass, doesn't he?
Nope!
But you can be sure he never called it a Flavor Saver. And he's got actual soul to rep. Oh, alright, you win.
Had a friend at work who grew one and called it a flavor saver. We made fun of him by licking our lower lips as if food were stuck there. Joke was on us though: most horrible chapped lip/chin in human existence. Flavor saver saved him.
Hate them. I went out with someone back when I thought I should stop "being so superficial" and the guy was really nice. I always kinda hated it, though, which made me hate him. Whenever I think of him, I think of it, (not of any of the nice things he did), and I WINCE.
I'm not going to lie.... I loved it on Jayson Werth... until he grew the cave man and I became a whole new phanatic (get it? phanatic? JW? ok I'm not that funny.....) I've never been able to say I enjoyed it on anybody else though... I also do not enjoy Jayson W. as much as I used to anymore, though he's still good to look at.
Flavor Saver - Deal Breaker
totally gross on so many levels. let's just get it out in the open: it looks like a stray piece of fecal matter stuck to your face.
PREACH ON GIRL!! You are speaking the truth. Sculpted, manicured, or any kind of deliberate facial hair is straight up ICKY. It instantly laser-beam zaps his sex appeal into some miniscule, laughable, Honey-I-Shrunk-The-Kids shriveled raisin.
Scruffy and scraggly is the way to go, otherwise you might as well be wearing a Nickelback T shirt.
the flavor savor comment almost always goes along with a dude who has one. it is the worst. SUPER GROSS!
Go goatee or go home.
One of my favorite things I read once was a group of women talking about goatees (which, sorry, but I hate too). And one woman said "But you can just make him shave it." And the other woman said "Yes, but I can't shave the part of his brain that thought it was ok to grow the goatee in the first place."
SO TRUE.
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