Bonerkiller: Guys Who Sit On The Couch Reading A Magazine During A Raging House Party

Leaning against a staircase banister, sipping a potent cherry vodka concoction (with no ice, natch) and watching a row of Rainmen bury their noses in Boring Person Monthly makes me want to get all Beastie Boys on their ass and fight for [my] right to party. If this house party were the Gulf Coast, they are the BP oil spill. Parking their butts on the couch and leafing through a random magazine they found on the coffee table is single-handedly destroying the vibe in here.

I know it can be hard to be social in a house full of people that you may not know, but that's why there are cases of beer in the fridge and sticky bottles of liquor on the kitchen counter. Do they like pretending they're at the DMV on their free time? Did they come here to catch up on Cat Fancy or to get a buzz on while talking to a semi-hot chick outside on the patio? C'mon, get your head in the game!

This is a house party, not my dentist's waiting room. Can't these guys at least make an effort here? Put the reading material down and ask if I need a refill on my jungle juice or something for crying out loud.