Just Between Us, He Does NOT Need To Wake Up To Me Tomorrow Morning

Dude. We've all been there.

You ever have one of those days where you meet a friend for Saturday brunch which leads into a mid-afternoon hang in the park which leads into an evening bbq which then leads into getting rowdy at a dance party? I have. Especially now that the weather is getting warmer, this is like, every weekend.

I didn't plan to be out all day and you can tell. When I popped into the bathroom at the end of the night to pee before I went to see about a guy, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I gasped. I looked like the Blair Witch or some shit: My hair was frizzy and knotted, my eyeliner was half-flaked off, I had a mustard stain on my dress. Shudder. Did I mention that my armpits smelled like a Tallahassee gutter? Because they did.

I can already tell that I have to take my ass home because if I look like a hot mess now, I'm sure as shit not gonna look any better in the morning. At the minimum, I need to wash my make-up off and brush my teeth before I'd consent to any kind of slumber party. What I really need is at least a shower, a swipe of undereye concealer and a high-end detangler conditioning treatment before I'd let any guy come near me.

Sure, it seems like a good idea to keep the party going back at some guy's place, but I can tell already that I will look like hell come daylight. NO ONE NEEDS TO SEE THIS! You hear me? NO ONE! He seemed disappointed when I broke the news that I was just gonna head home at the end of the night, but trust me, I did him a huge favor.