 |
| Just two more words, Elaine! |
I originally asked you guys to tell me about your
worst date in six words over a year ago and I was tickled with your answers. My personal faves:
Suggested Hard Rock Cafe for drinks.
Made me sit in the backseat.
Yin yang necklace. Serious about it.
After hookup, accused of check fraud
The guy peed in my hamper.
Flashed gun. Then pitched me Amway.
Tried to eat Buffalo wings seductively.
Puked on my carpet. Denied it.
Insisted on tarot card reading first.
Used N'Sync to "pump himself up"
Covered ex-wife's name tattoo with unicorn.
Showed up in inside out sweatpants.
Really, they're all gold. I still peruse the comments of that post whenever I need a good pick-me-up. Given that, I thought it was a good time to check in and see what your recent worst dates have been in six words. Can you top any of these? Tell me in the comments!
108 comments:
She farted so loud I gasped.
She said she'd bang my brother.
Stole my DVDs then denied it.
mr. coffee breath licked my teeth.
First kiss felt like tonguing anus.
He called me "princess gone bad".
He was actually 15 years older.
I weighed like two of him.
He was wearing several beaded bracelets.
He ended up having a limp.
He looked exactly like my brother.
He puked on my fucking shoes.
he invited two of his friends.
Kept calling me, "that new girl"
Roofie my drink? Oops...limp dick.
Said he'd actually seen a demon.
Dry humped my leg for hours.
Back hair curled over his collar.
Fought with ex on Facebook. Cried.
Told me "chicks dig" his eyeliner.
Six hours late. Wore heinous jeans.
Showed me his sketchbook suicide notes.
He stopped by my house unannounced.
Private room, one-on-one karaoke.
Told me about his dead tooth.
Hunted, then squashed, toads with car.
Called me sweet baby pumpkin face.
took me to meet his brother.
single red rose, walked around Walmart.
firstdate great, crazy by datesix.
I'm cheating to fit it in., so sue me. I guess I'm lucky to be a guy. girls are mostly sane on the first date.
but my real six word horrible first date?
skull tattoos on both ass cheeks....
his penis looked like a thumb.
attended mormon singles prom. pity date.
had a seizure at my cousin's.
2 parter:
cunnilingus outside means lots of scratches.
he gave me a plant after.
said he loved me at Gap.
cheating, another 2 parter:
he said he hated my BFF.
so I ordered a giant steak.
He didn't "come to Philly to sleep alone"
Friend hug on the porch.
Said "Condoms don't work on me"
Homeless and jobless, spent the night
Bipolar drug addict. I married her.
absolutely NOTHING wrong with "Insisted on tarot card reading first." sounds romantic to me!
his tongue was like a dart.....
He slid in socks age 27.
His piercing loose in my mouth.
he puked all over himself.
Life ambition: Work at American Apparel.
Showed me eczema before sushi came
Always takes off shoes in restaurants
Made fun of boobs during sex
Drove 5mph lived with his bubby
I slept on bed; him, floor
Suggested marriage on date numero two
Didn't pick restaurant, suggested walk around.
Got high and went to Applebee's.
Bud Light. Camels. Bowling alley bar.
Date two: Went to strip club.
Went fine until car got towed.
"Showed me eczema before sushi came" is amazing and hilarious.
Mine is, Always drove with the windows down.
Couldn't get it in. Then cried.
"Couldn't get it in. Then cried."
OMG!
Lived behind a rock climbing wall.
Black teeth; life-threatening infection.
Groped in car; asked "What's wrong?"
Kept stalking me on facebook after.
Talked excessively about sister's sex life.
Chest hair like a shag rug.
His favorite movie? American Pie 3
"Bud Light. Camels. Bowling alley bar" could be kinda fun, especially when I used to smoke.
He was hit by a car.
Bit my cheek. Drew blood. Unapologetic.
Late. Drunk. Seersucker Suit. Racist. Persistent.
omfg i love this. omg.
made my day! let me scan ye old brain memory banks. ive got to have a bit or two from the younger days.
His drunk mom was there. Crying.
Needed Police to make her leave.
These are all one person:
Soul patch, wore puka shell necklace.
Ringtone was "Paralyzer" by Finger Eleven.
Doused himself in stinky pungent cologne.
Obsessed with ex, still used Myspace.
We talked on the phone before the date, and I mentioned that I sometimes sing with a band. He asked if I sing high notes, I said yeah, sure. He replies:
"I can sing higher than you."
What?
I'm seriously DYING reading all of these!
filthy KITCHEN litterbox, moldiest bathroom EVER.
Told gruesome breakup story. TMI, bro.
Didn't turn up, didn't cancel either.
initiated ass play without prior consent.
one pump chump. asshole after that.
All the same person:
Looked just like Neuman from Seinfeld.
Read abridged constitution in Denny's. Loudly.
Detailed account of his Oedipus complex.
Brought a backpack to dinner. Hobo?
AFF hookup gallery in iPhone. Shared.
Fapped on Skpe right after date.
Cysts on his balls. Showed pictures.
Or, as someone said earlier:
“Jdate Jdate Jdate Jdate Jdate Jdate”.
he masturbated thinking i was asleep.
Fresh hairplugs on a scabby scalp.
Hey, do you know you made it onto the internet-site of a german newspaper? Here's the link: http://jetzt.sueddeutsche.de/texte/anzeigen/525977/Sexting-fuer-Anfaenger-und-schlimme-Dates
I know! I saw that! I'm so stoked.
what does it mean to "fap?"
DON'T GOOGLE IT! I'll tell you: it means for a man to jerk off.
Said she gave the best blowjobs in the world. Ok, doesn't sound too bad, eh? Not the kind of girl I'm going to bring home to meet mom (or let pet my dog) but, hey, I'm gonna get some, right? Made out, some heavy petting, then said she's not that kind of girl and I'm going to have to "put some work in." What kinda shit is that?
Not to be a stickler, but that was over 6 words!
Met exboyfriend, made out with him.
God gave him "gift of percussion."
$4 cab around corner to escape.
Had Slipknot poster in her bedroom.
She made tea with weed stems.
Told me mid-sex "I never cum."
His toilet had never seen chlorox.
My Coworker Gave Me A Handy
I had 4 pretty bad dates recently and I can't choose between them, so here goes:
Hot chick, but really had penis.
Went down on her. Surprise! Penis.
Cute waitress was really a dude.
Going to Thailand to finish sex-change.
Twilight Fan.
"I Just Washed My Sheets." Gag.
or my most recent...
"Can You Kiss It?" Double Gag.
He talked explicitly about his diarrhea.
Cashed $200 paycheck. Bragged about it.
made me watch his stand-up reel
admitted to being reality show reject
Asked me out, hoped for babies.
Friends secretly live tweeting the date
Grabbed boobs, asked me if okay.
I'm straight. He was clearly not.
There are so many, I can't count. Here're a few more.
Rationalized living with mother.
Rationalized living with parents.
Insulted my: career, friends, intelligence.
Hated pizza and animals.
Refused splitting bill. Complained about cost.
My friend comped bill, date tipped 15%
Complained to me about exes, dating & women.
Dad was a doctor, my gynecologist.
Showed two hours late. Was drunk.
Used the n-word, then rationalized it.
Called 24 times post date. Seriously.
After sex said "hope it's a boy"
Juggler. Brought balls to date. At IHOP
Surprise dinner date to Rainforest Cafe.
asked if i was ever raped.
wore jorts. bought by his mother.
Burger King. "Forgot Wallet". I paid.
from one or two different gentlemen:
new debit card. forgot to activate.
asked me to read poem aloud.
remind him of his mother. freud!
fell down the stairs shithouse drunk.
"I'm hot shit. I play guitar."
his band playing. facebook invite only.
He peed the bed. Fuck this.
Nervously giggled about lame sexual innuendos.
He sat on toilet to pee
Want to get a Shamrock Shake?
Asked friendly questions, he only giggled.
He picked at a salad, "stuffed!"
Only talked about his band, 2002.
No job, lives in parents' basement. (6 more: "Too good" for current job prospects!)
Talked at length about his balls.
Asked what phone my mom uses.
First date, shared losing virginity story.
Harped on chip in my nailpolish.
hangout with him and his friends for the first time,Whole night his friends banged on him about paying there debt back..on some serious shitt
And i thought wrong timing for a confrontation! im outttt
Was clearly gay, tickled me constantly.
Told me he loved me, cried.
Accused me of "asking for" creepyness.
Called me a demon, ran away.
Broke up with me mid-date (6 more: Still wanted to stay over that night.)
Wanted to put lotion on me.
Apologized after for raping my face.
suggested olive garden on sunday just to get drinks
wanted to go raging waters, w/o my kid!
titty-fucked me that's it!! no D in my V!!!
Peed in my closet, broke a nick-nack then claimed the roof had a leak that's why the floor was wet in my closet!
Would only drink Bacardi and Sprite.
Post a Comment