I will kick him in the scrotum with a pointy boot if he asks me to plan our first date. If he can't figure out where and when he wants to see me, then he needs to scurry back into his South Philly rowhome, curl up on his shitty futon he's had since sophomore year of college, and fuck off. How hard is it to go on Yelp and figure out a place to go? Get with the program, sir! Type in a neighborhood and a cuisine and you're basically done. I don't want to rattle off 4-7 restaurant names for him to consider; I'd like for him to take the lead on this task. Is that so terrible? Because I'll be honest, it's not hot to watch him be devoid of date ideas.
Hasn't it ever occurred to him to hang out with a girl he likes in public? Is this uncharted territory? I could understand if we were in a foreign country and he wasn't well-versed with the lay of the land, but if he's lived in this town for over six months, he surely must've formed an opinion about at least one restaurant to take a girl to.
And, if he hasn't, unless he's Sloth chained to a chair in a dungeon begging for a Baby Ruth, he must have at least two friends in his life he can ask for date suggestions. Do a little gumshoe work on this because, I'm sorry, but tossing your hands up in the air about our first date is not an acceptable option. Guys: pick a nice yet casual place that you take every date to. Make it your standard spot. It'll make both of our lives easier. Trust me.
9 comments:
God, I so TOTALLY relate to this! What is the big effing deal with deciding on a place to hang out for a few hours? Does he say, "I dunno...what do YOU wanna do tonight?" to his buddies? If so, eww.
Yes, a million times.
It's the 21st century; women can make decisions too. Pick the restaurant yourself.
No! He asked me out! He should have something in mind. It's not that hard to pick a restaurant that he thinks I would like. I've planned enough dates and it's never a good sign if the guy has no ideas from the jump. That means the burden will probably fall on me for the entire relationship to find things for us to do. That gets old quick!
Don't do it. You'll wind up reinforcing this behaviour, which could be due to lack of interest, insecurity, or lack of imagination. It has nothing to do with being a modern vs old-fashioned woman. It has to do with the natural interactions that occur between a man and woman. The decision you as the woman make is whether or not you like the guy.
Absolutely positively the person who does the asking is the person who should plan and suggest the plan. Followed with, "but please let me know if you hate this kind of food/movie/whatever and I'll come up with plan B!"
Love this post. xo Don't love Anonymous.
I think I know what Anna means here. It's not that she feels that she, by being the female, is "above" picking out the date. Rather, it's that a dude refusing to pick one may be showing his "I'm just so happy to be on a date, and I want to put her on a pedestal from Date One, that we'll do whatever she wants" colors. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's what I think she's going for. If so, I hear ya, because it can be a major sign of desperation and no confidence.
When I was younger, I pulled this a lot, mainly for the reason I just said: I lacked confidence in my dateability and wanted to make her "happy" by making the date 100% for her and 0% for me. Big mistake, on both a dating level and a personal one. Have the gonads to tell her where you want to go.
Thanks, Justin. You're picking up what I'm putting down.
I just started talking to this new guy, and he takes the initiative in planning outings. It's f-ing awesome! He had a great idea to go to A.C. for a weekend, chill, play poker in the casinos..it was a great time and nice knowing he was walking to put forth the effort.
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