Phrases We'd Like To Stab In The Face: "Hey Stranger"

I've been busy! I don't know

He might as well text me, "What's up, girl who blew me off? Haha. Nah, it's cool. Don't worry about it. I'm totally cool about the whole thing. Can't you tell I'm cool about it? This text is like, the most casual thing I've ever sent. It's more casual then the ratty Umbros I'm wearing. Haha. No, but seriously, wanna hang out?"

Just for the record: having a guy text me nothing but, "Hey, stranger" has NEVER resulted in my wanting to see him more. I know that we haven't talked in many moons. Entire seasons of Entourage have aired in the time we haven't talked. Believe me, I'm aware. I don't need his passive aggressive text reminding me of that fact.

Calling me "stranger" makes me feel like I somehow dropped the ball, like he's saying, "Where have you been?" It's not like I went away on a pilgrimage to Tibet and I've been unreachable for two years. I haven't joined the circus or been marooned on the International Space Station; I'm right here in Philly doing what I always do. I go out dancing Saturday nights at Barbarella. I grab beers at Johnny Brenda's. I tweet a ton with frequent updates about the shit I do. It's no mystery. The only thing that's strange here is this lame attempt at establishing contact via a lazy text.