Things That Make Us Go Yikes: He Acted Weird When I Introduced Him To My Friends

Oof!

This is a bummer because I know FOR A FACT that he's a sweet, funny goofball. And, I've been telling everyone how rad he is for a while now. But, my homeboy crashed and burned when I introduced him to my buds; he straight-up choked. Oh god, it was a nightmare.

Basically, all of his attempts at humor tanked. He had as much charm as an empty roll of toilet paper. Maybe he's not good in social situations? Maybe he crumbled under the pressure? Who knows. All I can say is that it was painful to watch. I think my eyebrows still hurt from cringing so hard for so long.

After about the tenth awkward silence thanks to his bizarre non sequitors, I wanted to yank him out of the room with a giant cane like how they do with the comedians who bomb on Amatuer Night at the Apollo. What did he have for lunch, socially inept stew with a side of awkward crackers? Jesus Christ man, pull it together! Stop trying to be funny! Just sip your beer and smile.

I tried to explain a few of his jokes to my friends in an effort to ameliorate the situation but it was like trying to explain LOLcats to a blind person; it didn't fully translate. The whole evening felt as if I was watching him lose on the first round of "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" which everyone knows is the easiest round there is. How do you even console that person? I certainly don't have the skill set for it. I'm just going to have to pretend that the night never happened. That's probably best for all involved.