Dude. Duuuuuuude. Your behavior was not cool. Not cool AT ALL. Do you have a PhD in fucking up vibes or something?
Did you not see the body language going on between us? Both his hips AND his shoulders were aligned with mine. In body language terms, we were practically on our third date and talking about what we'd wanna name our kids half-jokingly. BUT YOU HAD TO RUIN IT, YOU MASSIVE FUCKHEAD.He had just laughed at one of my jokes and asked me what I did for a living but I didn't even get to answer him because you, Mr. Asshat, swooped in, put your arm around his shoulder and whispered something in his ear. I stood there holding my drink politely for twelve seconds but you didn't just pat my guy on the back and walk away, Senor Testes Satchel. No, you stayed put like a tomato sauce stain on a white t-shirt, completely fucking up my game.
I finally had to walk away because what am I gonna do, stand there looking like an idiot while you drone on and on in my dude's ear? I'm good at a lot of things but standing still and not talking to the guy I want to talk to is not one of them. I hate you. I hate you so much YOU PASTY-SKINNED, THIN-LIPPED, UNIBROWED, STUPID SOUL PATCH-HAVING MOTHERFUCKER! Ugh. I hope you contract some kind of disease usually only seen in exotic animals like dolphins that baffles your doctors how you were even exposed to it so they silently make judgments about your private life, YOU FUCKING SHIT SKIDMARK.
12 comments:
I want to find this person and practice my practically non-existent golf technique on his nether regions. And trust me, my golf game needs a LOT of practice. With every club. Every. Single. One.
You should've just hung around til his douchey friend left..you cockblocked yourself
I did not cockblock myself. Plus, that sounds gross.
There could have been more to the story. Maybe the cock-blocker was doing you a favour? Maybe his friend had a girlfriend? Maybe his friend had a bizarre STD?? Maybe his friend was a crazy serial killer?!?
I was also thinking about the girlfriend possibility! Maybe this nasty unibrowed dude helped you out.
I'm pretty optimistic when it comes to other peoples' problems.
But really, my condolences. What a jerkbag. :(
I fixed it for you:
'...but I didn't even get to answer him because you, Mr. Asshat, swooped in, put your arm around his shoulder and whispered, "if you go out with this one, the followers of her blog will be making fun of your small, personal foibles by tomorrow morning."'
lighten up!
Judging by this crazy rant about a guy talking to his friend and u completely fucking losing it.... that guy did his friend a HUGE favor
Hey, fourth wall. FOURTH WALL, dude.
Had u considered the possibility of your dates closet door not being very well locked?
Hilarious post, Anna! Great way to work off the understandable frustration. But if I may: next time, just say something like, "I don't think I got your name, hi, I'm Anna..." or "So how do you guys know each other?" or "Hey, not nice to whisper secrets! Tell me, too!" or "Is that a gin or vodka?" or something. A woman can control the situation as only a woman can (and no, I don't mean table-tossing!). You were there first. No need to walk away until you were ready. Next time. And whatever you do, don't give up! :)
I'm on your side!
Here's the male version of this... you managed to get the attention of a cute girl. Other guys were too nervous to approach or didn't want to break in on other girls, but you did it.
Now they swoop in and surround. She enjoys the multiple guy attention but you (the male) do not enjoy competing with these others for air time.
If the male is BradyDale, he walks away. Because BradyDale doesn't engage in pissing contests. That doesn't mean he wants to walk away, but he still will.
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