Hold The Phone: He Grew A Beard?

A full beard? It's not a goatee or anything like that? Oh, thank god. Tell me more. I mean, does it look good? Does he look cuddlier? I'll bet he looks cuddly as hell. Does he look like he'd fuck up a plate of pancakes? Please say yes. I like it when a guy looks like he'll straight-up destroy some pancakes, like he'll get butter and maple syrup on his chin. Shut up. That's not weird to think that. You're weird for saying that's weird.

Are you sure his beard isn't too manicured? 'Cause I don't like beards that are too neat. Personally, I like a bit of neck scruff. Otherwise, it runs the risk of looking too boy band-ish. Fuck those shitty boy band beards in the face. So it's scruffy? Are you sure? Good.  

Fuck, I'll bet that he looks downright foxy drinking a pint of beer. He does, doesn't he? Did you see him drink a beer? Was it a stout? Did he get foam on his upper lip and wipe it off with his shirt sleeve? Did he look like a thirsty walrus but in a hot way? Shiiiiiiiiiiiit. Ha! Yeah, I just said the word "shit" like Clay Davis from The Wire. I'm pleased you got the reference. *fistbump*

Huh. He grew a beard. Well, this is a game changer. I gotta see it!