"Anyone ever tell you you're beautiful?" he asked.
Yeah, nobody has ever said that to me. Not at my bat mitzvah. Not at my prom. Not at my sister's wedding. Not at my other sister's wedding either. I'm Taylor Swift sitting pigeon-toed on the bleachers, pushing my glasses up my nose with my pointer finger as I stare at the basketball captain shooting a lay-up. If were in Beverly Hills, 90210, I'd be Andrea Zuckerman, who's basically a frog with stiff bangs and eyeglasses. Fuck you, dude. What a dumb thing to say!
The area to order our food was small and well-lit. I couldn't pretend I didn't hear him. He stared at me, waiting for an answer. Then the tiniest light bulb of all time lit up over my head; I remembered that I had the capacity to lie.
"Yeah, my boyfriend tells me all the time." I almost tripped over the word "boyfriend." I don't remember the last time I said "boyfriend" out loud. Wait, I remember: it was when I said, "That dinosaur would make a great boyfriend," BECAUSE THAT'S HOW LONG IT'S BEEN SINCE I'VE HAD ONE. Sorry for yelling. I'm trying to be emphatic here.
"Does he tell you you're his queen?" This guy was a riot! It's so funny because I just wanted to jam on a spring roll and motor home to watch the latest episode of "The Voice" on demand, but now I'm somehow roped into talking about my non-existent boyfriend with a rude stranger.
"He sure does," I said. He also parasails, hang glides, and picks "She Talk to Angles" as his go-to karaoke song choice. It sucks that I have to make up a boyfriend to avoid talking to people but whatever. "Everybody hurts." -R.E.M.
I don't know. How's your love life going? It has to be better than making up romantic prospects at hole-in-the-wall Chinese joints in South Philly. Tell me in the comments!
22 comments:
Is it bad that I'm most curious about what Chinese place in South Philly is open at 1am? Sometimes a girl has needs, and by needs I mean the munchies.
My love life suxx on toast right now. All the cute beardos in this city are hung up on That Girl Who Broke My Heart so pickings for mumbly dudes WITHOUT issues are really slim. When's the next pack of transplants moving in?!
Such parallel lives, you & I. Girl, you know you write my life!
love life is a pretty grandiose term for stalking men online and then weeping about how creepy i am.
The place was on 4th and Washington, I believe. I grabbed my food and ran. I also ate my spring roll waaaaaay too quickly and now my entire mouth is burned. As Charlie Sheen would say, "WINNING!"
Mine consists of logging into okcupid, getting annoyed, and logging off.
I can't look away from that gif. It's like they're migrating north for the winter...
Rainbow Bar yadda, yadda, Hyatt House yadda.
I hesitate to call it a love life because I'm trying to be very Zen about this guy I'm seeing, but he's cute as hell and he makes it very difficult to stay calm. I have definitely made up a boyfriend before to fend off incoming randos, though.
Last weekend, I met, made out with, and dry humped some random bro from hotlanta on the dance floor of a U Street bar in DC. Then I hooked up with HIS BROTHER in the bathroom. What! Friends drag me away from a slutty demise, and I decide to text my internet boyfriend from two years ago, who shows up wearing child molester glasses and offers to invite me over for a glass of scotch. NO THANK YOU.
Meanwhile, guys I actually like in the city that I live in, refuse to text back and make excuses like 'I am playing poker' to which I reply 'I don't believe you, do you want to make out?' and 'Are you always busy?' What?? I really liked him. FML
I totally use that dinosaur joke, too! But mine's that the last time I had sex, I saw a pterodactyl. Is it possible to regain your virginity? Because I think I have.
Oh, you know. Getting dumped outside of bars, having rebound sex with friends, eating lots of take out. The usual.
Kiplinger.com says that Philadelphia is one of the top cities for singles(!). You've got to be kidding me, Kip.
http://www.kiplinger.com/slideshow/best-cities-for-singles/6.html
Lately? Not much. I got bored with the online dating thing and am instead just doing stuff I find interesting/cool/fun and hoping I run into someone equally interesting/cool/fun there.
Does the term "love life" only apply to single people? Cause I've been with this dude for 4 years and it's still wacky daily. "Hey babe would you rather break up or eat pizza today? Pizza? Awesome, let's have sex while we wait for the delivery guy." My life.
Oh Gosh... Went to a show the other night, spotted a boy across the room, finally got around to talking to him (ohhhh the beard!). We talk & dance all night, he drops my friend and I off at the place we are staying. We text all day the next day, he mentions off hand in a text that he is in a long distance relationship (wompwomp), but then proceeds to text me all night-best conversations ever including but not limited to eating candy, cats and other animals in sweaters, macaulay culkin, etc, soo basically perfect for me. In the words of Mac AHHHHHH!!
A year into a really great relationship with a solid, funny, sweet, kind, sexy, I-could-totally-kick-it-with-this-dude-forever kind of guy. Me? Wondering if I missed out by not having a few years of selfish, self-oriented singledom in my mid-20s. Somebody punch me in the head and knock some sense in there.
7 months into that same solid, funny, sweet, kind, sexy, I-could-totally-kick-it-with-this-dude-forever kind and I'm like, I'm totally not ready for this to be perfect.
At the same time, dating around was fun but exhausting. Anytime I vaguely miss the single life I channel that feeling the morning after I got drunk and left the bar in a cab with a pack of Aussies...accents are my achilles...
ugh i know what you mean about the dudes saying stuff like that in random places like the chinese food place! is this just a philly thing or an everywhere thing?
i'm bored with my love life - i love having a guy to cuddle up with in bed who makes me feel great, but i miss being a free agent at the same time. I wish I could pull a "time out" like zach morris to run around, and then time in and spend time with my loving, wonderful dude.
My boyfriend is too tired from working weird hospital hours to shag me more often than I'd like and I'm frustrated and suddenly attracted to weird celebrities and the local weather man (he is dreamy) and every awkward nerd I am interning with.
Sweet Jesus, cartoon characters are starting to look good.
Angles.
First off, Anna I love your post! Secondly to the anonymous person who wrote about hooking up with some "random bro from hotlanta" Why does that matter? What does that add to your story? You are obviously making a point to emphasize that he is black....when you"re telling stories about white guys you hook up with do you say he was a saltine from conneticut.............No.
My love life? More like pointless lust life...
At one point during the early fall I went on chatroulette literally every night to try to have a good conversation with a handsome internet stranger.
Havent been on there for a while, but considering that the only men who talk to me at this college are middle aged bikers who look me up and down when they think im not looking, i might have to find flirtation elsewhere.
lust is so cruel!
Post a Comment