Flippin' Our Shades At Julieanne Smolinski

Usually I profile rad dudes in this space, but I had an epiphany the other day while I was riding my bike: I should feature more rad women! I have a bunch of girlfriends that do cool shit. And, I couldn't think of a better woman to start with than Julieanne Smolinski. Maybe you know her better as @Boobsradley on Twitter. She's hilarious. Aside from posting funny observations on her tumblr site, she's also a regular contributor to xoJane, Vulture, and GQ, among others. Frankly, I find her delightful so I asked her some questions about dating.

SK: What's your idea of a perfect date? 
Julieanne: Dates terrrrrrify me. The few Date-dates I've been on have wigged me out. If I'm actively seeing somebody, I'm much more of a "cook and watch Ken Burns movies and make dumb jokes and second base each other"-type. If I ended up having a romantic dinner with a strange person for the first time, it's probably going to be in some kind of "Lost"/"Gilligan's Island"/Six Days Seven Nights scenario, so I'm guessing it's coconuts and whatever survived the wreck eaten astride a sensuously crackling signal fire. 

SK: What do most guys do wrong when they're out with a girl?
Julieanne: If I never hear any variation of, "So why don't you have a boyfriend?" or "How are you still single?" again, it will not be soon enough. Even when it's a compliment, it makes you sound like you're kicking my tires. On the "What Would You Like to See More Of?" side, I guess I could deal with more skateboarding tricks. 

SK: What's the worst thing a girl can do on a date?
Julieanne: Murder's pretty bad. Murder, or that thing where you try to get too big of a piece of lettuce in your mouth and then you have to use your hand, and you still get ranch all over your chin, and you're like, "Oops, sorry!" and everybody's embarrassed: you, your date, the waiter, the host. A piece of everybody dies for you, and the night always just goes south from there. 

SK: Tell us a secret!
Julieanne: I am incredibly shy. Can that be my secret? I mean, I'm a total disgusting filthy sex pervert, obviously, but otherwise: incredibly shy. 

SK: What advice would you give a younger version of yourself about dating?
Julieanne: Younger me a was a huge ho, and I've sort of settled down and gotten more reserved and inhibited. I guess I would tell her to enjoy her prime hoing years because things get very boring when you get old, and your prime all-girl three-way on a Chinatown rooftop years are behind you. I mean, I still have crazy all-girl three-ways, but there's a lot of talking about the Atlantic Monthly and taxes and what nuts have the most omega-3s during them. 

SK: What would you put on a mix tape for a guy that you liked? 
Julieanne: This is difficult, because I tend to like men who are Very Into Music, so the idea of making a mix tape is perennially terrifying. Because what if he was into me before and then I make him a tape and he's like, "Look at this garbage person and her garbage monster music taste. I hope she dies alone, on some kind of desert island, with a piece of lettuce dangling from her mouth." I'm a classic rock girl with old country music and punk thrown in, which is pretty unambitious as far as mix tapes go. I do always like to throw in something really jarring, like this weird recording I have of the Charles in Charge theme song.

Again, she's @Boobsradley on Twitter and you should follow her immediately.