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| Seriously, this was his freezer in ass cheek-form |
There was nothing in it! How can his freezer be so bare? Did he just move into his house four hours ago? I was expecting a half-empty bottle of Smirnoff, a bag of vegetable dumplings from Trader Joe's that he never got around to making and a limp bag of frozen peas, but nothing? Are we in a doll's house? Is this fridge even turned on?
While having a bare freezer was semi-alarming on it's own, more distressingly, there were no ice cube trays. How am I supposed to chill my beverage with this egregious lack of ice? My whiskey on the rocks is now sadly, disappointingly, regrettably sans rocks. Fuck that noise! I can't go through life with all of my beverages served neat. I'm just not that kind of girl. *lone tear falls down my face*
I didn't realize how much I liked having ice in my life until it was taken away so abruptly. On a scale of one to pumpkin patch-themed photo shoot, how crazy would I appear if I brought my own ice cube trays over to his house? Hell, I'd even go for a jokey ice cube tray he bought for a Halloween party six years ago at this point, anything to chill this cocktail I'm hastily assembling before we head out for dinner.
I slammed his empty freezer door in frustration and was surprised at how light his door felt. It was like trying to slam a styrofoam cup down on a table. That annoyed me too. Fuck this surprisingly light freezer door to hell! Get some ice cube trays up in here, sir. I like to chill my drinks while we chill. Is that so wrong?
9 comments:
God, does anything make you happy? It seems like everything about a person that doesn't meet your standards is a huge character flaw. Besides, most of the stuff you bitch about isn't as big of a dealbreaker as living with your parents well into your 30s.
Actually, the guy I'm seeing was the one who suggested I write about his lack of ice cube trays and he got a big kick out of it. He laughed. I laughed. We all laughed. "A+ would write again" - my review of this post.
In case you couldn't tell, Shmitten Kitten is a humor site. It's a place for me to have fun writing, not a diary. As for living at home with my parents, I'd rather do that and publish a book on Penguin than leave bullshit comments criticizing other people's sites anonymously. To each his own, I guess.
Oh good, the trolls from the Huffington Post have finally arrived. Break out the 'Lil Smokeys, and let's get this party going!
Haha, Jeremy!
Ah Anna! these are my favorites, probably because I've seen many a sad dude house...
I loved all the similes in this post AND I loved the burn back to the anonymous commenter. Win, Anna.
But you know what's super sexy: when he has really nice ice cube trays. You know, the kind that make the extra-large fancy cocktail ice cubes? And if he's a killer mixologist...well, let's just call that one a bonergrower.
It's fun to read, so I say keep doing it! More ice cube stories please :)
I love this post!! My boyfriend inexplicably did not own ice cube trays when we first started dating. I made fun of him for it and then he bought a big sack of ice for me. For a few months I chiseled away at the bag to get a few pieces. I finally just bought him 2 ice cube trays!
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