Get Out of My Face, Movie Dates as a First Date

From Sam, the kind of guy who'd much rather make first-date nervous small talk when apps and zerts are involved:

I’m not exactly sure how going to the movies became first-date fodder. Third date? Sure. Couple in a committed relationship? Great. I would be happy to be the shoulder to cry on when she finds out Mufasa isn’t just taking a post-stampede snooze in The Lion King. I’d even be willing to sit through the adventures of Sarah Jessica Parker and her non-equine counterparts traveling the world in search of the perfect pair of shoes.  

Just not on the first date.   

Getting to know someone is what a first date is all about. Not just the typical job/family/future questions, either. I need to know that she will be there with a pity laugh when I make a bad joke. I need to be sure that her reaction to seeing my tattoos isn’t, “I’m surprised you have a job.” Perhaps most importantly, I need to gauge her reaction to my borderline obsession with my awesome cat. None of these things are possible if we are both watching Angelina Jolie make her male co-star uncomfortable with a post-coital one-liner.  

If I were writing this post as a freshman in high school, I might have a different perspective. After all, going to the movies is one of the only times two awkward teenagers can swap saliva without worrying about mom coming around the corner. As an adult with a readily accessible private place for shenanigans, I’d much rather pass on a first date at the movies in favor of something that would allow my companion and me to determine if we are, in fact, the same kind of crazy.

You can't see me, but I just initiated a slow-clap while nodding my head in agreement.