From Jackie, who wants to kick his disappearing act in the scrotum:
Like so many single, non-desperate women these days, I have ventured into the often scary world that is online dating. While there are many advantages to finding your soul mate without any branch of the government doing any extensive background checks, often times we do, in fact, stumble across those on the FBI's Most Wanted lists.
Now, we all know those annoyingly cute, over the top lovey-dovey couples who have miraculously found each other thanks to the privilege of Neil Clark Warren of eHarmony continuously draining our bank accounts. To yours truly, this has proven costly on many levels. Since I'm both cynical and cheap, er frugal, I have resorted to experimenting on a few of the ever-present free dating sites. I can only say that I definitely have gotten my money's worth.
I'm only speaking for the ladies here, but I've noticed a disturbing trend: Men disappear! As in completely vanish. For weeks, days or even minutes, the two of you are having stimulating correspondence about the always fascinating jet stream and barometric pressure when...nothing.
The emails cease with no explanations or teary goodbyes full of made-up bullshit. Am I not worthy of at least some fictitious story involving aliens or his joining the Witness Protection Program? I don't know about the rest of you, but I prefer to know why I'm being rejected. It's not like I have no experience in that area!
I do realize that many people on these sites are having simultaneous conversations with two, three or 48 other members. Heck, even I have, on rare occasions, had more than one message in my inbox. However, if you guys are having second or eighth thoughts about us, then tell us! Most of us are not crazed psycho bitches looking to forever stalk you.
But nothing is more frustrating than being ignored or stood up. And being stood up electronically is it's own annoying version of hell.
We can only conclude that he was intimidated by the strong, smart, sexy women we are and it rendered him incapable of corresponding further. In actuality, we know that we've been replaced by the perfect woman with the irresistible combination of having both a 38EEE chest and a near-encyclopedic knowledge of astrophysics.
Alas, the eternal optimist, buried way, way, way deep inside me is hopeful that somewhere out there is that one guy who will continue to respond to my emails and will stick around for other exciting topics beyond the rise of the stock market or fall of the unemployment numbers. Or is it the other way around?
Regardless, I have one question: "Where the hell is he?"
9 comments:
As someone who is both experienced with rejection and experienced with online dating, let me explain.
Its not just guys. Women disappear too. The thing is with online dating a lot of people don't consider it real life so they come and go as they please. They don't think about the person on the other end. Many people who sign up for dating sites have no intention of ever meeting anyone in person.
I'm not sure I have a great solution but just don't take it personally...its just an element of online dating...particularly FREE online dating.
Totally agree with Sam..I'm a dude who's been on both ends of the disappearing act. While it sucks (especially when you think things are actually going well) I generally chalk it up to a clear indicator that the person is obviously not right for me. If you can't be troubled to come up with even the simplest excuse ("I met someone else." "My Analrapist thinks I need to pay more attention to the man inside me." etc.) to exit the conversation like an adult, I'm sure there are plenty of other things the rose colored glasses of a new potential relationship have obscured.
OK, first off free dating sites are probably better because there are way more people on OKCupid than like, anywhere else. I had 28 first dates mostly from OKCupid last year, met my boyfriend along with plenty of other great guys who just weren't right.
The problem is with messaging forever. Message a few times then....GIVE HIM YOUR NUMBER AND TELL HIM TO CALL YOU. That way you can talk, figure out if he's crazy or not then go on a date.
I agree with everyone that commented before me. It's the internet and you haven't met yet, people get busy with the real stuff going on in their real lives - they don't owe you anything! The only real way out of this is to forget sending 10,000 messages back and forth (which is only leading up to WAY too much emotional and time commitment before you've even met) and go grab a drink or two. I honestly get bored (and feel a little freaked out) when a dude isn't ready to meet up after 1 - 2 messages... it's so much easier for interest to wane when you don't know what someone is like in person.
Whoever isn't messaging you back doesn't know what he is missing. You had me at fascinating jet stream!
Personally, I prefer a few extra e-mails to make sure he isn't a serial killer and/or his IQ is higher than my shoe size! Better to spend a few extra minutes e-mailing than 2 hours casing the bar for an escape route!!
Since my best friend has been on and off and on and off and on and off (etc. ad nauseum) one of the dating websites (I will refer to them as "Natch.com" to protect their identity)and regailed me with her horror stories, I now refer to that site as "f*#kbuddy.com". I believe all of the free sites have this in common. At least if he pays for the profile, he might spring for dinner. If he or she does not want to chat on the phone (and then meet shortly thereafter), I'd say move on.
It seems a new trend of lonely married folks are using dating sites to see if they are still appealing to others. I agree with Sam, that some people use these sites with no intention of meeting others in person.
Great article! Keep em coming!
Pfff how do you expect them to email back if they've been abducted by aliens or joined the Witness Protection Program?
Both generally rush into your house at night and grab you while you're sleeping; leaving you no time to take family photos, a toothbrush, or extra anal lube, let alone send you an email!
So the next time someone doesn't email you back, you have your fake story already. So just smile in the knowledge that they're likely in a cold dark spaceship flying through the Universe while repeatedly being anally probed, and move on. ;)
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